Dating advice fighting
All couples from time to time experience conflicts, that is, pulls in opposing directions, between what one wants or does and what the other would prefer.Conflicts often become evident because of an increase in emotional tension or an initial sense of frustration, irritation or even anger. Conflict indicates rather than you need to cool down and then do the win-win waltz, talking cooperatively talk together to find a solution that leaves you both feeling good.“Remember that happy couples are not couples that don’t fight.Rather they’re couples that fight fair and take responsibility for their own words and actions, no matter how furious they may feel inside.” "Fighting fair" from my perspective is still fighting.If I want ice-cream after dinner and my husband is dieting and does not want ice-cream tempting him from our dinner table, we have a conflict, that is, we each are preferring a different plan of action.
The offending paragraph about how to fix marriage problems states a conventional wisdom that is a) wrong and b) sets needlessly low and even harmful aspirations for people who believe it.
I have written multiple prior PT posts detailing collaborative dialogue and conflict resolution skills including the posts here and here and also here.
My point now is not to explain the skill sets but rather to clarify that there a how-to for resolving differences in a cooperative, mutually respectful way.
Instead of fighting, that is, becoming opponents of each other, emotionally healthiest couples utilize skills for addressing their differences in a collaborative manner.
The outcome from cooperative dialogue, coupled with win-win solution-building skills is mutual understanding, solutions that please both spouses, and ever-enhanced affection.